In the previous article, we tackled dialogue as being a tool of communication in the modern age providing the opportunity to increase the mutual interests between the members of humanity. There are a set of rules to perform a constructive dialogue: it should be: purposeful, a discussion devoid of argument and ambiguity. We will proceed with the rest of the rules of a fruitful dialogue.
It should be based on the common and shared interests
Start the dialogue by discussing the common ideas you shared with others thus you turn the dialogue to be deep and purposeful. Keep in mind that people may share differed points of view, yet are not enemies. There is always a point that all people agree on. On effective dialogue, Antony Robins, American writer and public speaker, says, “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
Thus, your role is to search for the common ideas and try to go furthermore. We share different ideas, beliefs and we were even raised up differently. Difference is a merit that leads up to integration thus reaching the best results.
Evaluate ideas not persons
Evaluation should be connected with situations and ideas not persons. When you evaluate an idea, keep yourself distant from judging the person’s character as judging is best way to lose others. Avoid criticizing and embarrassing your speaker. Judge the idea not the person.
Avoid Advising
People do not take advices easily especially when it is given in public. Advice carries the idea of projecting the mistakes and demerits of others. It also reflects the superiority of the adviser even if his words do not seem to be like that. Thus, you should stay away from taking the position of the adviser, preacher or the teacher during speaking with others lest they hate you.
Owning the truth
One of the most gaps between the speakers is that each one of them thinks that he owns the truth exclusively or that he is the most person who understands the whole situation. Conversations alike are doomed to failure. No one owns the entire truth of a situation and when we communicate in the right way, we will complete each other’s view and reach to see the whole situation.
Avoid Generalizations
Avoid generalizations and broad statements that apply to persons or ideas. Generalizations lead to prejudgments, hence widening the circles of disagreement.
Avoid guessing what others meant
If you face ambiguous situations or expressions you do not likely understand; never hesitate to enquire the speaker to explain more. He maybe means something else. Make sure that you understood what he said and repeat it. This would help you to avoid misunderstanding. Do not hasten to judge what you listen; ask a direct question about what your speaker said. It is a hard task that you explain all what in your mind in words.
Prioritize
Prioritize the objectives of your dialogue and avoid tackling the secondary or unimportant details.
Listen carefully
A good dialogue is based on good listening. They say some uttering is an art, this turn listening to an art too. Ernest Hemingway said, “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
A fruitful dialogue needs a good listener as people said that God gives us one mouth and two ears to listen more we talk. Listening carefully will enable you to deeply understand what the speaker meant and as a result you can express your thoughts accurately and reach to share more mutual interests with him. The more a person is confident the more; he offers his speaker the chance to express his ideas.
Be fully attentive and generous with your time
Offer your respect and appreciation to others in simple gestures during your talk. Keep the eye contact. Do not check time or papers as it gives an impression that you are bored of the conversation… to be continued
General Bishop
Head of the Coptic orthodox Cultural Center
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